Something I don't talk about much

Something I don't talk about much is Adam Kanaszyc. Most of you know that he took his own life a few years ago in a rather dramatic fashion and it was a tough time for me. I did what I normally do in emotional situations and detached myself as much as possible. As I looking back at that time I have just started realizing how much growing up I did in those few short weeks.

Several weeks before Adam's death, he and I had a blowout argument. I was doing what I thought was right in a very complicated situation and he didn't agree with me. It came to a head and really put a strain on our friendship. After that, I was still committed to his friendship and we had made amends from that argument, but I don't think we ever really got the chance to fully heal from that. The toughest thing was calling out a friend, even in love, and intentionally causing strife.

That's what I thought until I got the call from Lucyna and had to call all our closest friends and break the news. As guys, we don't share our feelings much, and the different reactions I got from people gave me insight into them that I had never seen before. As I said before, I disconnected myself and just did what needed to be done through the following days and weeks. Krista even tried to talk to me about it and I just wasn't in a place where I could.

Several months later on the way home from work, I just broke down. No good reason, he just came to mind and I couldn't distance myself from it. I didn't appreciate the impact it had on me until after that drive home and maybe it's taken until now, really, to appreciate the impact on my life.

I don't really know why I'm posting this except to know that I've gone over it in my head a few thousand times and I just needed to get it down on 'paper'. Who knows, maybe that's part of the healing process and maybe I actually am moving on from it. September gets close each year and I start thinking about him, his birthday (9/11), and of course the events of 9/11 and how they're all kind of connected for me.

I've learned that in life, you do what you need to do to get by. I think we each have our own mechanisms for doing that and whether they're conscious or not is irrelevent. I know that his life made the problems of drugs and addictions so much more personal and I wonder how many of my friends, family, and co-workers have little exposure to those things. The impact of those have really realigned my priorities in what we teach Will and how I may (hopefully not) deal with those topics when the need arises.

Don't know why this all matters, just to say that he was a great friend and I miss him. I hope Jon and Maureen read this at some point too and can understand what I'm saying at some level.

Back from Arkansas

Yeah - we're unfortunately back. We had a great time as usual and Will actually did pretty well. He went down with an ear infection that was bothering him but once that cleared itself up, he did OK. There's lots of pictures up at www.pankaus.com if you're bored and are interested.

We ran into some boat trouble at the last second and had to swim the boat on to the trailer since we couldn't get it to run in gear. Something wrong with the lower unit we suspect - it's in the shop now getting looked at. Hopefully it's back an running by this weekend so we don't have to cancel our plans.

Unless something drastic happens, I think we'll be going back for a quite a few years!

Walking baby!

See below!

Busy busy busy

Life is way too busy right now. I'm (Mike) in 3 courses so I can be done done done by Feb this winter. It's so nice to have that destination in sight. We've got lots of scheduled boating, along with a Payne family reunion coming up. Then in just 3 short weeks - Arkansas!

Krista and I are making the trip a bit more interesting by going down 12 hours early, drive at night so Will sleeps through the trip, so that will be interesting. Plus I'll have the pleasure of doing homework while in Arkansas.

So - if you've not been boating yet this year, get on the phone with me ASAP!

Running

Legs....filled.....with.....jello....

I haven't intentionally run (for exercise) in at least 5 years now. Krista bought a treadmill with her birthday money (thanks mom+dad, nugents, etc) and it's great. I'm excited to get in the habit of running (regardless of the weather) and maybe even be healthier! But for now, we hurt. Krista tells me the third day is the worst (that would be today of course!) so let's hope it get easier!

Will at Work

I (Krista) thought I would give you all a glimpse of my job. I love it and have so much fun with Will and the other boys. Will has a blast playing with all the other boys. Jack is 6, Ryan is 4, Conor is 20 months old, and Will is almost 9 months.

They all looked so cute sitting together. Jack and Conor are very much alike and Ryan and Will are very much alike. It's funny how they have paired off. Whenever Will and I walk through the door, Ryan always runs up to us to give Will a kiss and a hug and Conor calls out Will's name and points to him with a big smile.

Ryan has figured out how to help Will walk around the house. Will loves it...I love it too because then my back doesn't get so achy.


Will's 2nd favorite activity besides walking is climbing stairs. I have to pull him off these stairs 20 times a day. He just can't stay away from them. He has become a master stair climber in the last month and now he has figured out how to go back down backwards. Thank goodness!

And here's our little water baby happily playing in the pool. Conor and Will are so cute together. They get easily bored if the other one isn't around to play with. They give each other hugs and kisses before nap times and Conor calls for Will if he hears him crying. It's really sweet.

All the boys really have so much fun together. I love watching how they all interact with each other. I feel so blessed to have this experience and the joy of shaping these four awesome boys!

Boating with Baby

We did it. We've successfully made it to the lake once this year. Will did very well despite me (Mike) having a ton of little things to do once we got there. Some highlights...

He can't really sit in his life jacket yet, so he loves just standing.

He was just so pleasant to be somewhere new and able to get around.


We found a way to get him to nap and it worked fairly well.

After his nap he was ready to go for a drive.


Mommy and Will having a nice day.


That's more than enough for now. More stuff soon!